Emmett and YouTube? CHAOS!
by DanceToThisBeat
Summary: What happens when you put a bored Emmett together with YouTube? please R
1. Apache!

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR THE APACHE SONG OR ANYTHING ELSE IN HERE… **

**Hey! I really hate author's notes, but if u wanna see the dance im talking about, the link is in my profile… JUMP ON IT!**

**EmPOV**

I sighed as I stared at my computer screen in utter boredom. If vampires could cry, I would be right now. The rest of my family went out hunting so that _Edward_ could control himself around his oh-so-precious Bella. I've got to admit that she does have her moments sometimes. But, I was forced to stay home with her or else I would have to endure an entire year of makeovers from, you guessed it, ALICE and my WIFE! How could Rose do that to me? WHY? No makeovers, no makeovers, no makeovers…

Anyways, right now Bella is asleep, as it was 2:30 in the morning. Bella had already done a wonderful job of sleep talking. She said something along the lines of, "Edward, Charlie's going fishing today. So that means tonight we get to make a fish cake tonight… haha! That rhymes! Make, cake, take, Blake, sake, zzzz." After that amazing performance, I immediately became bored. Nothing was on tv at 2:30 in the morning, I didn't feel like reading or playing video games, so I just sat in front of my computer, staring at it, hoping that something half-way amusing would just pop up.

Nope. No luck. Figures. It's 2:30 in the morning for Pete's sake! Why would anything fun happen then? Then and idea struck me like a lightening bolt.

I quickly typed in the web address and searched. Found it! I had just found the video on YouTube that Edward suggested I should watch - the Fresh Prince Apache Dance. I pressed the gray play button and waited for it to load.

Let the fun and chaos begin.

On my computer screen, there were two guys doing the craziest hip-hop dance I have ever seen! One guy was really tall, and the other was really short, and they both had black pants and headbands on. Their shirts were torn up and looked like boxes on them they were so square-ish! (**haha. Don't be a circle. Be a square!) **They were wiggling their hips in time with the music, then doing a little cowboy move in a circle. It was the queerest thing I have ever seen! _HAHAHAHA! _Oops. I forgot Bella was asleep… got to remember that. I mentally slapped myself for almost waking the human sleep talker up. But still, these guys were complete freaks! Who in their right mind would ever do a dance like that, then post on the internet for everyone to ridicule. I bet I could do so much better than them though…

I swiftly rose from my black swivel computer chair, being sure that I did _not_ make a sound (Edward would not be happy if he found out that I woke Bella up by getting up from of a chair…). I took the beginning pose of the Apache Dance and took a deep breath. Hopefully the gang wouldn't walk in once I started this… I shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts. I didn't want to know what would happen. Well, here goes nothing.

I started tapping my foot and forcefully placing my arms beside me. Hey! Don't laugh! It's what they did in the dance! I continued as I wiggled my hips and did that ridiculous cowboy move… that I was now, dare I say it, beginning to love. "Dun, nun nun nun nun nun! Apache! Jump on it! Jump on it!" I finished the dance with gusto and a pose of my own. "Ha! Beat that fellow Apache fools! Dun nun nun nun nun nun nun nun nun nun nun nun - can't touch this!" I continued humming Apache as I walked into my closet (well, more like Rose's closet with an Emmett corner). I _had_ to find an outfit like the one the guys were wearing in the video. I dug through shelves and drawers, searching for my buried treasure. I eventually emerged from my closet with the exact same outfit as the one Will Smith was wearing in the video. I wonder how that happened. Alice must have had a vision… Oh well, why did I care? I had the same outfit as Will Smith for crying out loud! Go me!

Now, time to find another amusing music video! JUMP ON IT!

**Please review & tell me what you think! I was planning on having this as a 3shot… CHUNKY CHIPS AHOY & TEA PARTAY included!**

**Lots of love,**

**Razzle the Dazzler! **


	2. TEA PARTAY

**From now on, my disclaimer is going to be in my profile… fo' shoo dude!**

**YAY! I'm already one of someone's favorites! GO ME! haha**

**I'm sorry this is short, but I kinda like BellaJacoblove's philosophy for this. Hey, it beats long boring chapters. **

**The music video I am now going to use is also in my profile. It's called Tea Partay by Prep Unit. My friend's cousin's roommate is the one with the silver suit with a pink shirt (basically he's the main guy)… anyways, R&R!**

**EmPOV**

With my current favorite song running through my brain, I continued on my search for good (good as in amusing) music videos. I had already downloaded the episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air with the dance on it. Funny stuff! "Apache! Jump on it! Shuttup!" I yelled at myself in my head. This was really starting to get old…

Hmmm, this looks interesting. I clicked on the play button as I sat back in my comfortable black computer chair and relaxed while the video was loading. My next find was something called Tea Partay by Prep Unit. They're not even a real band! This has to be hilarious!

The camera focused on a very expensive looking car as it drove through a _very_ nice neighborhood. Then there was a group of kids swaying to the beat. They were all wearing clothes that looked like they belonged at a country club. Then, a very sophisticated looks-like-he-plays-golf kinda guy started rapping, "Straight outta Cape Cod, we're keeping it real. We're gonna have a partay that makes a lady squeal." Oh w-o-w. A whole group of white gangstas! "No one's hotta than a New England gangsta. We drink raw tea on the South Wing Veranda." Ha! Look at them… this is hilarious! Hahaha - BAM! Something white then flew in my face, scaring the living daylights out of me (oh, the irony!). I flew out of my chair and crashed onto the floor, wrestling with the white thing that was trying to consume me. I quickly ripped the white blob off of my face while frantically looking around, searching for the culprit. I could still hear Bella's even breathing soming from the other room, so it couldn't be her. Without success, I glanced over at the white heap on the floor. I gingerly picked it up, expecting another attack. However, I only found that it was one of Rosalie's many white cardigan sweaters. Perfect!

Not wanting to change out of my awesome Will Smith outfit, I tied the white cardigan around my neck like the guy in the video. Crossing my arms in a New England gansta-like manner, I started singing, "Tea in the parla makes the ladies holla! Teeeeaaa Partay!" I then broke out into the Apache dance. "Apache! Jump on it!"

Hey! This would make a good dance for the school talent show coming up! Maybe if I could get Bella to do it with me… speaking of the devil, did she eat dinner? OMC, I didn't forget to feed her, did I?

I rushed downstairs to see whether there were any traces of last meal. I sniffed the air. An utterly repulsive scent reached my nostrils as I passed the pantry. There on the floor, were crumbs, all lined up in a row. Wow, looks like Hansel and Gretel came through here. Maybe that's where the cardigan came from, I wonder… stay on task Emmett! You need to know whether Bella ate or not! Unless of course, you would like to be hanged, drawn, and quartered by your brother **(that's the death penalty from medieval times)**! I shuddered at the thought and reached for the door to the pantry…

**Haha. I'm an evil author. I left a CLIFFIE! OH, THE SUSPENSE! Well, at least I have something to build the next chapter off of. I don't think that this is going to be a 3shot anymore… it might just magically become 5 or 6 chapters! Well, tell me what you think!**

**Razzle the Dazzler**


	3. Author's Note READ IT!

**A/N: Yes, I know. I hate author's notes. But this one is necessary. I have to tell you all - THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS!!! **

**One of reviewers said to use Shoes for one of them, & don't worry, I will… eventually. I have other things in mind too, but I will definitely add that to my plans.**

**Please continue to suggest things and use constructive criticism! DON'T BE BASHFUL! BE SNEEZY! Lol, u know, the dwarf in Snow White? Nevermind. **

**THANX AGAIN!**

**Razzle the Dazzler**


	4. Chunky Chips Ahoy

**a/n: Sorry guys. I know that I told you that I hate author's notes, & then I posted one. I'm truly sorry for that. And I'm also sorry that these chapters are short. I just post them as they pop in my head. Anyways, I have plans for Emmett in the future. Don't worry, he'll go all girlie before this ends! And I'm going to put it all together in the end…**

**razzle dazzle, dazzle razzle, the Razzle is a dazzlin', so read! ;D **

**EmPOV**

_I reached for the pantry door…_

…and it slowly creaked open. All. By. It's. Self. Organ music began thundering through the house. Suddenly, a lightening bolt came down and struck me on the head, leaving me there stunned. Blink. Blink. I couldn't move anymore. I took a deep breath (although I didn't technically need to) and slowly regained control over my lightening-struck limbs. I shook my head. _What the hell?!? Where did that come from?_ Nevermind. I don't want to know. Probably Alice again…

I sighed and continued reaching for the pantry door, pushing it aside to reveal the source of the mysterious (shifty eyes) _crumbs_! There, lying on the middle shelf was a box of CHUNKY CHIPS AHOY! My eyes widened. So that was source of the mysterious (shifty eyes) _crumbs_! Well, at least it wasn't Hansel and Gretel. That would be just plain _creepy_ to have fairy tale characters stalking you. But who am I to say that? I'm a flipping VAMPIRE! Weird…

I reached out and grabbed the box, suddenly infatuated by the little treats. I lifted the box up to my face and sniffed it. Interesting… I reached inside and carefully poked a little cookie to be sure that it wouldn't bite me or something. Taking the cookie out, I placed the box beside me on the counter and sat down in a chair.

Without thinking, I quickly shoved the cookie in my mouth and began to chew. But, when I realized what I had just done, I ran to the trash can and spat it out. Ewwwwwwwwwwww! How could Bella eat those things? They were utterly repulsive. I shuddered at the thought of her going through an entire box of these. No wonder Bella couldn't balance well! These things blow you off your feet with just one bite! I think I just solved her problem. NO MORE CHUNKY CHIPS AHOY FOR ISABELLA MARIE SWAN! Hehe. I'm so good. Both Bella _and_ Edward are going to thank me soon enough for my genius plan… just you watch.

Suddenly, and idea popped into my head. Jeez, I have been extremely idea-struck lately. I began chanting, "Chunky chips ahoy, oy, oy, chunky chips ahoy, oy, oy, oy!" over and over again. Hey! This should be the Chunky Chips Ahoy jingle! This means it's time for the HANDY DANDY RANDY (yes, I know. _Very_ Blues Clues)! With cookies in hand, I ran vampire-speed up the stairs and to my computer (cookies in hand so that Bella wouldn't find them.They would be safe with me). No, HANDY DANDY RANDY is the name now! So, really, I ran upstairs to HANDY DANDY RANDY and submitted my brilliant composition on I hope that is the website, or I would be in biiiig trouble.

Since I was already there at HANDY DANDY RANDY, I decided to continue on my search for funny videos on YouTube. Right next to the Tea Partay icon thingy (I don't know what it's called), there was a picture of four guys on treadmills. The note beside it said, "OK GO on the treadmills!" This looked like my kind of video…

**Haha. I'm so mean, aren't I? Sorry I had to stop it here, or else 1) I wouldn't be able to finish my homework & 2) it would become extremely boring because I will have to think about what I write next for a while… I'll work on the next chapters tonight, but I don't know when I'm going to post them. I have sooo many projects due right now, it's not even funny. Ew. I hate homework. It's the devil's invention. **

**Please Review!**

**Razzle the Dazzler**


	5. Here It Goes Again

**a/n: sorry guys. I havn't been able to update because, well, let's just say I got in deeeep doggy doo doo wit me madre. I hope this chapter is longer & not so boring. And again, the link is in my profile if you wanna watch it…**

**EmPOV**

"It could be ten, but then again, I can't remember half an hour since a quarter to four.  
Throw on your clothes, the second side of Surfer Rosa, and you leave me with my jaw on the floor.  
Just when you think you're in control,  
just when you think you've got a hold,  
just when you get on a roll,  
here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again.  
Oh, here it goes again.  
I should have known,  
should have known,  
should have known again,  
but here it goes again.  
Oh, here it goes again.  
It starts out easy, something simple, something sleazy, something inching past the edge of the reserve.  
Now through lines of the cheap Venetian blinds your car is pulling off of the curb.  
Just when you think you're in control,  
just when you think you've got a hold,  
just when you get on a roll,  
here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again.  
Oh, here it goes again.  
I should have known, should have known,  
should have known again,  
but here it goes again.  
Oh, here it goes again.  
I guess there's got to be a break in the monotony, but Jesus, when it rains how it pours.  
Throw on your clothes, the second side of Surfer Rosa, and you leave me, yeah, you leave me.  
Oh, here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again.  
Oh here it goes again.  
I should have known, should have known,  
should have known again,  
but here it goes again.  
Oh, here it goes again."

I sat there, staring at my computer in awe. Those guys were amazing! It definitely takes skills and talent to be able to put on a show like that. A routine involving treadmills? Um, WOW! My jaw was literally to the floor as I watched the conclusion of the video. The sudden change in weight caused my chair to flip over, taking me with it. I grumbled as I brushed myself off and stood up. Then, I was struck with an idea (again, with the striking ideas). I started jumping up and down, clapping. I knew what to do! Realizing what I was doing, I stopped in midair. Wow, Alice was definitely rubbing off on me. I then took off down the stairs to the basement, where all of our exercise equipment was kept, not that we used it much, but still, it was nice to have.

Finally downstairs, I lined up two rows of four treadmills. I hopped on one and took the remote and turned on the stereo system. I pressed the little green play button, then placed the remote in a cup-holder of one of the treadmills. The music began roaring from the speakers, and I lunged into the first position.

Ha! Look at me! I'm like that awesome, funky-dance band! Wheeeee! _Giggle._ I looked up, startled. I definitely do _not_ giggle. Alice has not rubbed off on me _that_ much. _Giggle_. There it goes again! (haha)

Then, a groggy-looking Bella came into full view, making me freeze. You see, I was not planning on anyone seeing me in my Will Smith Apache costume, with a white cardigan tied around my neck doing the _Here it Goes Again_ dance on treadmills.

I was so shocked at not sensing her presence beforehand, that I completely forgot that I was on a moving treadmill and fell off the end of the treadmill, landing on my derriere. "Oomph!"

If I could blush, then I would be right now. I was shocked and slightly confused at being humiliated like this in front of my _brother's girlfriend_.

At this, Bella completely lost it and fell to the floor, clutching her stomach. Her face was turning beet red (or rose red, as Eddie-boy loves to call it) from laughing so hard. I guess I would be too if I were in her situation. She then started rolling from her uncontrollable laughter and barreled straight into the wall.

Now it was my turn to chuckle. She blushed at least three shades darker as she attempted to stand up. Keyword: _attempted_. She was about to give the floor a not-so-friendly greeting as I rushed up and steadied her. She gave me a grateful smile, and I returned it with a huge grin plastered to my face.

"So," she started, out of breath. "I guess I shouldn't ask."

"No, its fine." I replied, my smile growing wider. "You'll probably end up hearing it from Alice sooner or later."

"Oh, right," she remembered.

"I guess after your sleep talking, which by the way was a stunning performance -"

"WHAT DID I SAY?" she demanded, blushing another shade darker.

"You said something along the lines of 'Edward, Charlie's going fishing today. So that means tonight we get to make a fish cake tonight… haha! That rhymes! Make, cake, take, Blake, sake…'"

After another round of blushing on Bella's part, I continued. "So, after that I guess I got really bored and decided to watch a video on YouTube that Edward suggested I watch…" I retold my adventures with YouTube, the Apache dance and Tea Partay, and the (shifty eyes) mysterious crumbs of the CHUNKY CHIPS AHOY! I told her that she should never eat them again because that is the source of her coordination issues. She just laughed and shook her head at that, but allowed me to continue.

After the explanation of the treadmill dance, she said, "I know another video on YouTube that you might enjoy." She declared with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. At that, I knew something was up. The usually shy, quiet, and clumsy Bella was actually being bold.

"Okay…" I said hesitantly, not knowing what to expect. We then departed up the stairs into my room, carefully on her part, as not to trip. She then sat down on my oh-so-comfortable black swivel computer chair at the computer and typed in the word 'Shoes'…

**ANOTHER CLIFFIE?!? Haha. I'm being mean again. I have to go to ballet now, so tell me what you think! I think I'm almost done… maybe 1 or 2 more chappies left with this. I might have a bonus chapter, one that I couldn't really fit in with this, but it's like, one of my **_**very favorite**_** songs & videos. (I'll give you a hint: It's by Fall Out Boy) it's very appropriate, given what the Cullens are. You can tell me what you think it is in a review, & I might reply… if you are right!**

**REVIEW!**

**razzle the dazzler**


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